In 2019 my life took a turn after I met with an accident that required me to undergo two elbow surgeries, all of a sudden, I felt that I had lost myself or my identity as a physically strong woman. An identity that I spent my whole life building to cope with my insecurities. After the accident, it all came falling as I was left with no strength to even go about my daily routine. My inability to do my regular tasks broke my idea of being that independent woman because growing up in a hostel that disciplined me to become an independent individual led me to despise the concept of dependency from a younger age. It was only after the incident I realized I used to attach my dignity to the idea of independence.
The value of independence is so highly esteemed in our patriarchal culture because of which depending on the help of others is viewed as humiliating in a society that prizes independence. When independence is seen as a virtue, people who lack it are made to feel inadequate, which then becomes a means of discrimination.
Eva Kittay (1999) sees dependency as a fundamental aspect of the human life course which one encounters in early childhood, illness, disability, and frail old age, therefore calls it periods of inevitable dependencies. Such a state of dependency is also part of everyone's lives who is working in a capitalist society based on the division of labor. Then it brings everyone to the same level, then why do we still associate the idea of dependency with a negative connotation that leads to discrimination against certain groups like people with disabilities. Susan Wendell (1989) talks about if all the disabled are to be fully integrated into the society without symbolizing failure, this would also reduce the fear and shame associated with dependency in old age, a condition most of us will reach.
Therefore, if we could give up our glorifications or idealizations and relax our desire to become independent cause until we do, we maintain them at the expense of our ability to accept and deal with our uncertainties, like my accident.
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